1st of january 2019.

i sat in my kitchen at 2 am with my voice notes open and recorded this. a complete flow of consciousness. unfiltered, uninterrupted, unplanned improvisation.

don't see it as a song, but as a poem. accompanying myself on ukulele. frustrated by my struggle to learn guitar. 

00:00 / 06:23

Who are you fooling 

you silly girl

you have no morals

and even less [hurt…]skills

 

who are you missing with you finite

time on this earth

 

and what are you doing spending it with people

who wish you would hurt

 

who are you loving

and do you think they love you back

 

and why are you wasting your time

on these plants you never water

 

why are you crying

do you not own enough self help books

and your instagram stream isnt really that aesthetically pleasing

 

why are you worrying about things that might never occur

 

why are you hurting over people who don’t ever listen

to you 

and your problems

your never ending stream of problems

you snowflake, in a blizzard

you heartless monster

 

why are you looking at these artworks that have been stolen

from the indigenous people who created them

 

why are you here

wha is your purpose on this earth

your not even a good person

no matter how much you try persuade them

 

if you are lonely why don’t you go and make yourself some friends

go back and join those clubs for the thing for those things

you claim to enjoy

 

but you never seem to commit any time

to anything in your life

you'll just sit and rot 

and slowly fester

the insects in the wall will eat all the plaster

and your fairly lights

though thery're pretty 

are killing the environment 

 

every tiny fraction of data

that you upload into the ether

is slowly adding to the crisis of the future

those servers take thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of watts of power

to keep them going

and there's

no way of knowing

you're contributing to a problem thats far too massive for your tiny head to comprehend

 

 

you're no good at maths though you claim it was [favourite]

you've lost interest in science though you use to [love it]

you don’t read any books

you barely write poems

 

you're on an arts degree cause you can't seem to understand

one day you're going to have to lead your government 

and you're gonna have to pay rent

by yourself 

and that thought 

terrifies you

 

and who are you fooling

you foolish child

you're living your life as if you're gonna die

and though that's true

you’ve got probably quite a few years

of debt to pay off first!

 

and why are you hoping for some bleak existence 

when you could go off and improve your own [resistance]

to those things you claimed to love once upon a time

 

2019 is only just beginning  and

you're already writing songs and you're singing

about how pointless your life is

 

YOU'RE 21 

GO OFF AND LIVE IT

 

you're in the capital of england 

a city of culture

there are thousands of musems that are free to enter

you can speak a language and just talk to people on the street if you really wanted to

but you dont

 

You sit in a flat that you can never afford

and you drink tea

because it's warm and you're bored

and you scroll endlessly 

god it never ends

you're looking at things that are trending on twitter that you have absolutely no interest in

 

Go off and do things

stop looking at the screen

stop looking walls

stop looking at the tv

 

stop singing

YOU DONT care ABOUT ANTHYNG anymore

you're just playing an instrument

AND YOU'RE PLAYING THE SAME CHORDS

CAUSE YOU CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO EVEN GO AND LEARN SOME MORE CHORDS

YOU CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO WRITE SONGS PEOPLE MIGHT ACTUALLY ENJOY

YOU SCREAM THE SAME OLD THINGS OVER AND OVER 

YOU MAKE EVERY ONE WHO LISTENS TO THESE SONGS SAD

NO ONE CARES

NO ONE EVER WILL

ITS ALL JUST THE SAME

PEOPLE DONT CARE

NOBODY DOES

WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE

©2020 Ciara Drew. 

contact [at] ciaradrew [dot] co [dot] uk